How to Move on After Divorce for Men – The Power of the Pen

moving on after divorceDiscovering how to move on after divorce for men can be a long and arduous process. One of the biggest problems is the turbulent state of your mind and emotions. This shifting landscape of your mind makes it difficult to really understand the truth of the situations you are in and makes it difficult to move forward because your future and direction seem to be moving all over the place.

I remember at one stage after my divorce I changed my mind four times about going on a trip to clear my head. I even went as far as booking plane tickets then cancelling them and for the life of me, I could never quite work out who I wanted to go and why i did not! This is just a minor example, but some guys have massive problems in choosing a direction or understanding themselves because a single trigger can cloud your mind with anger, depression, anxiety, and other emotions that will change your mental state.

One thing that helped me when I was dealing with this volatile situation was using a pen.

That’s right, a pen. It was not even a fancy pen! It was a regular black biro with the lid missing and one end chewed from nervous fits when I was working out legalities of the divorce. The same pen that signed the divorce papers in fact helped me to move on from the divorce as well.

Ok, this was not some magic pen, the power of it is in the written word. You see, the written word does not change when you put it on paper. Your interpretation of it can change, but a well constructed letter can have usually a single meaning that will NOT shift and change like an upset mind.

So I offer this advice for guys finding it difficult to focus, understand themselves, understand the divorce, and of course move on from it – Write stuff down!

Some things to write when you are in a good frame of mind are:

  • Your plans for the immediate future
  • Your plans for the long term
  • Your emotions and frustrations
  • A letter to your ex wife (to be burned symbolically not sent!)
  • A letter to yourself to read again when you are feeling low
  • A budget! (this is more important for your mental health than you think …)
  • And more …

Harness the power of the pen guys! I talk more about how to use the written word to help you move on after divorce in my Men After Divorce guide as well.

7 thoughts on “How to Move on After Divorce for Men – The Power of the Pen”

  1. Thats a pretty good idea just dont let your ex wife find it or they will use it against you any way they possibly can!!

  2. Hi Grant,
    I had not thought of that. I do recommend you keep this to yourself if you are not at a finalised divorce stage. Written documents can be very good evidence in court and if you just blasted out some angry words you didnt really mean it can look very dangerous.
    Still a good idea to do though so dont let that stop you!

  3. Married for almost 27 years. Written down feeling and lashed out for no reason. Divorced for almost a1 1/2. Corrected so many things and changed. Love the ex more now than the day I married her. Tried to get back in her life. She doesn’t know. Afraid of it could happen again. Hard to have patience. Uncertainty. She says that the feelings might come but doesn’t know when. I am stuck. Any suggestions?

  4. Hi Jimmy,
    While I am a huge proponent of trying to save a marriage rather than go through a divorce, you also need to look with eyes unclouded to see if this is really the way to go forward. Are you simply heading into a situation where she will dictate how you behave so those ‘feelings’ come back? I obviously do not know your ex or your situation but sometimes we are so clouded by the overwhelming emotions that we cannot see the truth of the matter.
    I have spoken to a numbr of people in the self help industray about getting your ex-wife back, and nearly all of hem agree the best way is to split and be your own person first. If you move on with your life without a grasping hope at reunification you become a much more attractive person to your ex anyway.
    So – my advice would be to tell her that you still love her but you need to rebuild your life and not always be hanging off her hoping for change – that you will seek change in yourself in a new life, and perhaps you can meet again there on a new level ground.
    You are fully entitled to disagree with me as I am only taking a few educated guesses as your relationship – btu I could be wide of the mark so just take it as one mans opinion.
    I really do hope it does work out for you Jimmy. Know you have the support of so many men who might never be able to outright tell you so because its tough to be emotional as a man sometimes – but we are here and we empathise with you.

  5. Thanks for your time. Counceling sessions I have attending for a year has done wonders. I have turned my life around and the problem is that I do love her. I know I need to just let go and if it is meant to be it will happen. Just know that there is something still there if she kisses and hugs me by whenever we meet. That is what makes it hard.
    Jimmy

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